Thursday, September 22, 2011

Logically Speaking

Hello out there! It's been a while. I tend to fall off the blog radar occasionally...so for the 3 readers I have in Sweden, 5 in Russia and 19 in the States..my sincerest apologies!!
The days are getting shorter and there is a refreshing chill in the air. I have made it through the summer, dutifully crossing off June, July and August on the time line chart. We stayed busy, had fun, and mostly kept my mind off of The Wait. And by mostly I mean hardly.
I am still amazed at how different this process is not only from our experience with Bek, but from what it was supposed to be when we signed on.
We were warned when we signed on for Kazakhstan that it was a somewhat unstable program, that changes could unfold during the process, the travel was long and difficult, the accommodations primitive and rustic (read: post soviet), the incidence of fetal alcohol risky. In short we were told it was a difficult program but that it could be right for the right kind of people. We decided we were Those Kind of people and moved forward. What it turned out to be was relatively quick and bump-free wait (10 months start to finish), an impatient but pleasant nesting period, a life changing soul enriching travel experience and of course the easily completed adoption of an amazing boy who is, simply put, Our Child, the perfect match for our family.
Maybe it's the hindsight bias theory, or just the rose colored lenses we wear for the first child. We always tend to gloss over the painful parts when reflecting and nearly every mom who biologically birthed a child will tell you it's a good thing you don't remember how painful it is, otherwise there'd be fewer children in the world.
But here we are, years later, (more than a FEW years later since we are now in our early 40s)...going down this road again but with a much different landscape. We got on this ride because we are in advanced age to become parents, we wanted a comfortable, relatively easy, predictable cost effective route. South Korea fit the bill for us: healthy young infants, quick process time that runs with military precision and predictability, travel with comfy posh amenities and adoption fees a fraction of the cost of other countries.
Well, well, well. Irony doesn't begin to describe this situation. In the 1 year, 3 months and 3 weeks we've been on this tilt-a-whirl from hell; it's gone from a one year-ish process time to 2, maybe 3 years. The infant we thought we would get may be a toddler. A Toddler! Forget “Learning To Sign With Your Baby”, I may need to learn Korean! No one, not even the agency we are working with, has answers as to when we might be matched with a child and when we might travel to get her. It might be 2012 or it might be 2013. There is no predictability.
The only thing our agency has told us with any sense of certainty is that they were told by the Korean government that referrals (matching) will resume in October to November of this year. Will we be one of the families referred a child? I know you will be shocked by this next statement, but WE DON'T KNOW. Our agency hinted at “probably not” since we are requesting a girl, but then admitted there are fewer families waiting for girls, once again they don't know, and anything is possible.
So I will don my Spock ears and look at this logically:
Referrals will resume in October/November.
October is 8 days away. There are 31 days in October. November is 40 days away and there are 30 days in November.
We “could be” matched with our baby girl anywhere in the next 9 to 69 days. 
Cheers, and here's to "could be"!! 

2 comments:

Mattie said...

Oh my, I could have written this post! With the exception that this is our 1st adoption. We signed our first piece of paperwork in January and were told we would have a referral around September and travel around the new year. Guess what? It's September and our file hasn't even made it to Korea to be put on the official waiting list! Our agency decided to hold files until matching resumes in Korea, so here is to the next 2 months! I pray you get your referral ASAP and our file (finally) gets Seoul bound!

Moscufo71 said...

There is an adoption agency in San Diego that goes super fast. Start to finish 8-12 months.
You may want to contact them: Adoption Options, San Diego.
I know they are turning down referrals for lack of families willing to adopt...