Monday, February 7, 2011

So What's Happening, Any News?

I get this question a lot.
It's nice that people ask. In all honesty I love talking about our adoption and appreciate that someone thinks to inquire about it.
I only wish I had a better answer!
My reply usually begins with a long audible sigh. This wordless retort speaks volumes though. It serves to brace myself for the answer I don't want to give; to give myself a cleansing breath to better accept it, and to be used as nonverbal communication for the short version of the reply, which is NO...there is no news. Nothing, nada, zip.
The next question is usually: Why Is It Taking So Long?
The answer to this one is not so simple. But as I understand it, Korea is increasing their efforts to encourage domestic adoption, or adoptions within their own country. They have a very strong emphasis on bloodlines in their still semi-Confucian culture. Adoption within their own country seemed to carry a stigma of sorts for a long time; childless/infertile couples would not be encouraged to adopt; but now apparently attitudes are changing and the government is supporting this. Although I've read stories where Korean infertile couples would prefer to make up stories and fake pregnancies, then secretly adopt and pass it off as biological. Proponents of foreign adoptions say the whole thing is more about saving face, pride and avoiding "embarrassment" as a baby-exporting country, rather than a real concern about the welfare of the children.
As I said, the answer is not really a simple one, but the shorter version is that there are more Koreans adopting Koreans than there are Americans/foreigners, and this is exactly what South Koreans want. They have been hoping to phase out adoptions all together for some time and the projected goal for this was 2012.
I know a lot of this is good in the big picture of humanity. As long as children who need homes find homes, whatever side of the world they may be, well then that's a good thing. But when you are in the very selfish process of hoping to adopt and add to your family, the selfish part of you doesn't want to hear this. It shouldn't be so difficult.
"Adoption is not easy". I've read and heard this more times than I can count. I usually shrugged it off and only half believed it. Lots of paperwork? Sure. Uncertainties, endless waiting? Yes. Ridiculous amounts of money? Oh yeah.
But c'mon we're not talking about saving the world here, or insurmountable difficulties or near intolerable situations, right?
Um, yeah, actually we are. For whatever reason this one, this 2nd adoption, is kicking my ass!!
My only solace this time around is Bek. Thank goodness we have him, that we made it through one adoption gauntlet with an amazing kid and very few battle scars. 

1 comment:

Amy and Corey said...

Amen, sister! I know EXACTLY how you feel. All we can do is keep on keeping on.