I joked to a fellow Adoptive Mom In Waiting who has become a dear friend, that I often rely on the AA saying "One Day At A Time" to get through this God Forsaken Wait. The joke being that we actually need the alcohol to get through it! Some days it is so difficult I want to scream and kick and have a full blown tantrum. Today is one of those days. I know that I had these days waiting for Bek, and I know we got through them and that day when we met him eventually came. I know all this to be true, but it still sucks.
Many days you can busy yourself so that it's not in your head every single minute of every hour of every day. Some days though, it's there, needling and nudging at your heart, it's physically palpable, the longing for the Wait to be over.
I also know that once she gets here I may long for these quite mornings with the house to myself! Making my own schedule, perusing recipes and facebooking while the laundry twirls. I can have complete silence or I can listen to NPR or Pandora. I can meander the aisles at Target, whatever. But...as nice as it is, I MISS the t.v. tuned to Sesame Street, I MISS waking up to a smiley snugly baby and spending my mornings at storytime. Of course we know this is one of the great ironies and paradoxes of life...we often want what we don't have!
There's no real rhyme or reason to this post...just needed to vent a bit. It's part of the reason I haven't been posting much, because blogging about baby just reminds me that there's no baby yet and baby, I really don't need any reminders.