Wednesday, June 9, 2010

waaah boo yaye

Yesterday was Bek's last day of school! My one and only baby boy is no longer a first grader. I was pretty emotional but restrained myself from having a full on blubbering fit. A friend and fellow first grade mom and myself took the boys to Burger King after school for some fries and Icees. The boys had fun, and junk food is always a good salve for me!
In first grade, they are still little boys, you know? They still snuggle with you and say the silliest things and still have some snips and snails left in them. 2nd grade, well that's just on to skull tattoos and slammed bedroom doors. Ok maybe not quite, but it's not far off in my mind!
And Bek has come sooo far! He could barely read at the beginning of the year and now reads on his own. His inability to control his emotions has gone from a common everyday thing to more and more isolated incidents. The push and pull of the heart that motherhood brings never ceases to amaze me. You want them to grow, to learn, to experience..and yet you want freeze them and selfishly keep them "yours" forever!
Maybe part of the reason I was able to restrain myself, was knowing that the cogs and wheels of fate are slowly turning; somewhere off the Pacific Ocean, a warm breeze blows. A woman or a young girl is pregnant or about to be. She will make a very difficult decision that will allow us to become parents again. She will birth a child that will become our child who we will love (and have already started loving!) with all our hearts.
Knowing this made Bek's last day of first grade easier. I don't know if that right or wrong or neither, but it's true! The thought of the second one was like a soothing balm on my heart. It's that push-pull thing again, motherhood is both selfish and selfless.
On Monday we also got our appointment letters from Homeland Security to have our fingerprints re-done for Citizenship and Immigration! Each of these steps always means progress, and that means one step closer!

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